PII Humor

While there continues to be resentment about the shifting and sometimes ambiguous policies regarding personally identifiable information (PII), it's also become a humor generator for those who enjoy sarcasm and satire. Unfortunately for some, I'm one of those people. This listing and associated forum thread are worth a look, and the borrower Q&A is equally entertaining.

Buying Inventory -- A with no DQs, no PRs, no group, no PII

My name is [Personally Identifiable Information deleted], I live in [Place Identifying Information deleted], and I would like to be your borrower.

Purpose of Loan: I am in the business of purchasing [Product Identifying Information deleted] and reselling them to retail and wholesale customers. Feel free to check out my website at [Possibly Informative Information deleted] for more information. I am seeking a loan to purchase additional inventory.

My Financial Situation: As you can see, my ScoreX credit score is A, and I have no delinquencies or public records. Prosper says that ScoreX is “the only credit grade relevant to lenders placing bids on Prosper,” so you probably stopped reading this listing three paragraphs ago.

I am also a lender on Prosper, with [Portfolio Identifying Information deleted] invested. According to LendingStats.com, my ROI is [Pathetically Insignificant Interest deleted], but Ericscc.com says that I am making [Practically Impossible Income deleted]. Since I’m a glass-is-half-[Partial Imbibing Information deleted] sort of person, I tend to believe Ericscc.com.

Budget: My monthly income is [Particularly Important Information deleted], and my monthly expenses are [Particularly Important Information deleted]. As you can see, the difference between income and expenses has enabled me to pay my bills on time and maintain a low utilization ratio.

Since I am not a member of a group, I have taken the liberty of submitting vetting documents to myself. Since Prosper did not disclose any Personally Identifiable Information to me, I can only speculate as to whether the documents that I submitted to myself are in fact my own. If they are, they present a strong case for funding this listing and bidding the interest rate down to [Percentage I’d-Like Information deleted].

During a lengthy conversation with myself, I acknowledged that [Potentially Incriminating Information deleted] but explained that [Perfectly Innocent Information deleted]. Further, it has been more than two years since the last time [Public Intoxication Information deleted], and more than five years since [Paranormal Implantation Information deleted].

Oh, yes, one last thing . . . I am serious about borrowing this money, and I am serious about paying it back. Please be forewarned that I am likely to repay it early (over six to nine months), though, if the final interest rate is low enough, I might keep it longer.

Thanks for bidding.